Happy Birthday, Liv!!!

Well, today has been very bittersweet for me. Today is Liv's 3rd birthday. I keep thinking of all the things her and her family have taught me, all of the amazing things she accomplished in her little life, and the thousands of people she impacted. This little girl definitely had a purpose on this earth, and it was huge. It makes me smile because if you know anything about Liv, she never did anything small. So how did we celebrate the day at the McGraw household? Well it started with a late night trip to the cemetery. This was the first time that I have ever gone to see her. I just have never been able to go, until now. Once I found her, thanks Julie, I stayed quite a while just talking to her. If anybody knows me, "I'm scared of my own shadow", as my husband tells me. But I was never once scared being in the cemetery, at night, and by myself. I felt her presence as I was sitting on the ground by Liv's little spot by the bean field. I can't believe it has already been three months and at the same time it has only been three months since she walked through Heaven's gates. Anyway, back on track.... Then once I got home last night, I told Ava the story of how Olivia, or Angel Liv as Ava calls her now, would be dancing and singing with the angels tomorrow because it was her birthday. Ava's eyes got huge!! Whenever she thinks of birthdays, she thinks of cake- my kind of girl, right?! So bright and early the next morning the two of us were making Angel Liv's birthday cake. Who says cake isn't for breakfast? Then we went and got her her birthday balloons. Of course they had to be purple. So after nap time, we both sat down and wrote our letters to Liv. Liv, I hope you can read two year old writing because I couldn't, but I'm sure it was good :). We each taped our letters to the balloons and went outside to send them up to Heaven. Sorry Liv, we originally got you three balloons, but Ava had to keep one for herself. You were always good at sharing, so I didn't think you would mind. Anyway, today was hard and joyful all at the same time, but in the end a very blessed, blessed day. Happy Birthday Liv!!! We love you and miss you so, so much!

Elmo Live

Yesterday Ava got to go see Elmo Live with her cousin Chloe. The girls were so good on the car ride up. I have to say, DVD players in the car are the greatest invention ever!!! Ava sang along to The Backyardigans the whole way there.


I didn't get a very good picture of Ava before we left. She was def. ready to hit the road. This dress my mom made for her special day. Of course I had to make her some hair bows to complete the outfit. A real girl knows how to accessorize.




























Ava waiting patiently for the show to start. Of course it doesn't hurt to have a bag of popcorn to keep her little hands busy.















Ava and her cousin Chloe waiting for the show to begin.












And the show begins!!! We had the best seats. We were right up front and center. I thought Ava would be scared by all of the loud music and screaming kids, but she was memorized. She hardly said one word the entire time. That's saying a lot with the show lasting 2 hours and my little girl who is FULL of energy.






















She kept her eyes on the stage the entire time!!


















We finished off the day with a trip to Culvers. The girls had a lot of fun, but they were def. ready to head home. On the way home, we looked back, and both girls were asleep. We will definitely go back the next time Elmo comes to town!

Sign me up for mother of the year. Well, maybe next yer.

I will have to admit, I have really been struggling with Ava and her terrible two's lately. She was such a perfect little baby and one year old, but this two year old business is for the birds. I think God is really smart in his plans. He makes sure that kiddos are so sweet in the beginning to get parents hooked, and then comes the tantrums, lack of hearing, and battle of wills. I love Ava sooo much, don't get me wrong, but there are some days bedtime can't come soon enough. Today was one of those days. I thought the day was going to be great, but boy was I wrong. Ava slept in until 8:30 which is a rarity, and woke up asking to go shopping. Do you see where I thought the day would be great. So off to Target we go. We were in there maybe ten minutes when she refused to sit in the cart. We have a rule that once you try to stand up, you get buckled in. Wow, the whole store had to have heard Ava's feeling about being strapped in. I got to the point I couldn't take the screaming anymore, and put her in "time out". That's right, in the middle of Target's shoe department, there was Ava with a red face and tears streaming down, sitting on the floor in Target. I will have to say, I got sooo many bad looks, I momentarily questioned what I was doing. When along came an angel walking down the isle. She looked down at Ava and then back up at me, "Good for you mom". I really needed that right at that moment. Oh, I pray that things get better, and her terrible two's won't be so terrible all of the time. Maybe I'll win mom of the year next year?!

Too busy for sleep

Ava is, that is. I personally love my sleep. For the past two days, Ava has been trying to keep herself going and not wanting to give into her naps. Yesterday, she fell asleep standing up with her head on the couch. Then, today, she fell asleep in by the front door trying to put er shoes on. I don't know if she is trying to make up the ground she lost when she was sick, or if (please don't even say it) we are starting to wean out the naps. I'm hoping it's the first possibility. I have a shameful confession to make. Do you remember the advice that you get when you have a brand new baby to "sleep when they sleep"? Well, I still follow that piece of advice. There, I said it. Instead of cleaning and catching up on laundry when Ava is napping, I am catching up on my zzzz's instead. I guess it is my guilty pleasure. I hope I'm not alone.

finally looking a little brighter

Well after a sleepless night monday night, I was sure praying for a better night last night. Ava slept all night long, yay!! Today she was still breathing really fast, but not as wheezy. She still has a terrible hacking cough, but I can deal with that. She still isn't eating very much, which is unusual for her. She's like her momma, we both like to eat :). She got a little bit of her energy back, but definitely not even close to her norm. The doctor says it will just take time. You would think since I'm a PICU nurse nothing would bother me. But when it's your own child, it is such a different story. I just wish she could go through a normal cold like everyone else. It seems like whenever she gets anything viral it sends her asthma into a tailspin and usually leads to something more severe. I keep hoping maybe she'll outgrow it. Danny still hasn't outgrown his, so maybe she'll just have to be the first.
I go back to work tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it in a way. The past couple of days, I've had a little shadow following me everywhere, even to the bathroom. It will be nice to not have someone under my feet for a little bit. I'm also dreading it at the same time. I know she'll be in good hands tomorrow with my mom and grandma, but they just aren't mom. We'll both just have to give it our best.

I'm too old to be pulling all nighters

By the title you would probably think I got to do something fun to cause me to stay up all night. Wrong!!! It seems like whenever Ava gets a cold, her asthma flairs up. We spent all night camped out on her bedroom floor reading books. Finally this morning I decided to take her into the ER. I knew there was something wrong when my little chatter box had to give all her energy into breathing and barely said anything the whole night. So, off we go to the ER, with grandma in tow for my own moral support. Honestly, I was expecting them to admit us right there, so I brought my mom along to pick up things from the house for me :). When we got there her pulse ox. was 86% (lovely), she had to get xrays, and a shot (also lovely). Do you sense my sarcasm? I will have to admit, Ava did wonderful considering the circumstances. I think she forgave everyone as soon as a nurse scrounged up an Elmo sticker. After the xrays, the doctor came in and told me she had bilateral pneumonia. ugg. I kind of felt bad. I thought it was all just a cold and her asthma causing her to not breath. The poor thing has bad pneumonia. That's what a get for following the nurse in me instead of following my mother's intuition.
I'm typing this while, praise the Lord, Ava is taking a nap. This is the first time she has slept since yesterday's nap. The doctor said the next few days will get worse before they get better. Hopefully, it won't be too bad :). Anyway, I'll keep you posted.

Yay, hot air balloons!!

Ava and I made an early exit from Grandpa's benefit to go see the hot air balloons at Lake Storey. I don't know who was more excited, Ava or me? Ava loved all of the "big balloons" and all of their bright colors. They actually let everyone walk around them as they did the night glow, so cool!!!

wow, look at all of those balloons, mommom!!
































































She loved watching every minute of it.