Slacking again

I am so behind on here. Oh where to begin? Ava is liking preschool for the most part. She is still being an awesome big sister! Emi is getting bigger everyday. She's on the 80th% for weight and wearing 9 month clothes already. We had a good thanksgiving and are preparing for xmas. I'll update if I ever find the time in this crazy house :)

2 month check up

Miss Emi had her two month check up today. She weighs a whopping 10 lbs 12 oz. and is 22 inches long. I was for sure she would weigh more than that. She did pretty good with her three shots :(. When Ava got her shots, she was just tired. Emi has been soooo fussy. It's like she's a different baby. I hope she starts to feel better soon.

second child syndrome

Well, Emi has it, second child syndrome anyway. I was so on top of things with Ava- pictures, baby book, video camera. Poor Miss Emi won't have all of those things. I do take pictures (not as many as Ava- I think she had a photo album just of her birth alone). I haven't gotten any developed to put in the photo album. I think I have gotten to the family tree part of the baby book, I haven't even thought of birth announcements (Ava's was out within the first week), and she has yet to make an appearance on the video camera (does it make it a little better that I recorded little clips on my camera?) I hope she doesn't feel less loved when she gets older. I'm trying to make up the difference with lots of squeezes and kisses. Maybe someday I'll get everything caught up. So if anyone got us a gift or card, a thank you and picture are in the future for you :). I just don't know what part of the future :).
On a side note, I remember telling some of my work friends after having Ava that I didn't want to have anymore kids because I didn't think it was possible to love another baby as much as I did Ava. Oh how wrong I was!!!! My heart aches I love her so much! I know I have said it before but everything we went through and every scare was so worth it, and I would do it one hundred times over again to get her. God hand picked her just for me!

update

I thought I would give a little update. I'm still home-thank goodness. I saw the plastic surgeon a couple of weeks ago. She wanted me to come back in another 6 weeks to see if I will heal some more. All I can say is that this whole experience has been difficult from beginning to end, from the pregnancy, labor, and post partum period. Every second has been worth it. I would do it all twice over again for my little love.
I haven't been very good about taking pictures, videos, and recording things in her baby book as I was with Ava. I feel so bad for that, but hopefully I will redeem myself once Ava starts preschool.

Finally Home!

Well, I finally got to come home! As soon as they gave me the word, I was dressed and ready to go in no time. Even more exciting, I didn't have to get a PICC line which was originally planned. Just oral antibiotics for this girl.
When I got home, Ava wouldn't talk to me. She was mad at me for being gone so long. That didn't last long. Now she won't leave my side :). I think Emi got longer and chubbier since I saw her last :). I'm still pretty sore, but soooo glad to be home. The only thing that isn't going so well is pumping. I can usually pump 4oz every 3 hours. Now I'm down to just under an ounce every 2 hours. I'm drinking enough water that I should be floating away. I just hope it picks back up soon. I won't be able to nurse for almost two weeks. I hope I don't struggle getting her used to nursing again.

Hopefully on the mend

Well, I just got back from my ultrasound. To my surprise, they did surgery right after the ultrasound. I didn't have time to call anyone or think about it, so it was good all around. I couldn't worry and my family couldn't worry either. They found three more abscesses and removed what they could. Hopefully just a couple more days of IV antibiotics and then (fingers crossed) home bound. On a side note, I keep hearing from my ob/gyn and the breast surgeon how many women they have been seeing with this same situation. The surgeon said that I was her fourth woman this month- crazy, huh?!

the current plan

So surgery was consulted today :(. I'll be getting a breast ultrasound tomorrow because there are several abscesses that can be felt under the skin. Then based off of those results surgery will most likely follow. I'm hoping they will do everything tomorrow (wishful thinking- I know hospital time), so I can go home to my babies. My pain meds were changed, so at least I'm a little more comfortable now.
On the home front, Ava is taking it the hardest. I don't really want her to visit because I think it would make things worse when she has to leave and I stay in the hospital. When I call her, the first thing she asks is when I'm coming home, which breaks my heart. I'm also worried she'll associate my hospital stay with Emi and take it out on her. Luckily I have an awesome family and have been taking her on several little fun activities to keep her mind off of things. Some extra prayers tomorrow for Ava would be nice. She has to go for her preschool physical and has to get several shots and blood drawn. It kills me that I don't get to be with her. But again things could be a lot worse, and we are so blessed.

Oh things can never be easy.

I write this post from the hospital, yes the hospital. At least it's me that's the pt and not either one of my little ones. WARNING: TMI and GROSS. ok, consider yourself warned.
Well, over a week ago I started feeling like I had the flu. I gave the doctor a call- don't worry about it. A couple of days later, things weren't any better but had a fever with it. Gave the doctor a call again- called in an antibiotic for mastitis. Well, a week passed and nothing got better. My one breast, which was a nice fiery red, was now purple. Then last night it opened and all sorts of nasties came out- sorry. I call the on call doctor and another prescription was called in and told to see them in the morning. So this morning I head in with my newest addition. The doctor gave one look at me, rather my boob, and sent me into the hospital. Thankfully I have the greatest family ever, and they came to pick up Emi. So I here I sit for at least two more days with IV antibiotics, and if things don't get any better, off to surgery I go. I have to keep reminding myself that things could be a lot worse, and to not have a little pity party. This too shall pass. Just some prayers would be nice for healing and comfort (mostly for Ava- she is struggling not having mommy at home)

Emi Alice A Birth Story

Ok, I figured I better write this since time and sleep deprivation are making my memory a little bit foggy. This is the birth story of Emi Alice- the good, the bad, the ugly, and the TMI's :) enjoy!

The Monday before Emi arrived, I was at work doing the oh so stimulating monitor tech job (can you sense my sarcasm?) when I felt like she was literally going to fall out of me. After asking a couple of coworkers what I should do, I got pushed to labor and delivery in my pimped out wheelchair (which by the way if anyone has a picture of it, I would like it for the baby book). After being monitored and checked, I was sent home and told the in deed my darling baby's head was pushing out, but my cervix was staying closed (huh, go figure). So home I went and "took it easy". Are you kidding me, I think I scrubbed my floors everyday that week hoping to get things started. Then Saturday came and I sent many texts to my coworkers (God bless them with my oh so TMI questions and comments throughout this pregnancy) about mucous plugs- thanks guys! Hey I warned you in the first paragraph :).
Well Sunday morning came and I woke up with a horrible back ache. I decided to take a shower (you would think I would have remembered Gracie's arrival with a back ache). So, like with Gracie, I decided to take a shower. I decided that the shower was not helping and maybe I should head to the hospital. By this time Ava comes into the bathroom and wants to take a shower too. I told her that I was only in there because I had a back ache. So I look out and Ava is sprawled out on the bathroom floor saying that she just needed to take a shower because her back hurt too (what a coincidence). I finally convince her to go wake up Danny, so he could take a shower and to tell him that it was very important. On a side note, why don't men ever get subtle hints? So Ava comes back and says that Dad didn't wake up, so she better just go ahead with her shower. Out of the shower I come bribing Ava along the way with a possible sleepover at Grandma's house. I wake Danny up and call my mom to tell her that we would be bringing Ava over. She was excited but, like I also told Danny, I would probably just be sent back home.
Ok, even if I did tell Danny that I would probably be sent home, you would think he would be a little bit scatter brained like you see in the movies. Not my man, no- he takes his good sweet time. He showers, gets dressed, and I get Ava ready. I tell them that I am going out to the car- again subtle hint to get a move on. I sit out in the car for five minutes- no hubby, no Ava. By this time I'm a little cranky with contractions and, well I'm not very patient, so I head inside. What do I find when I go upstairs? They are still in the bathroom! Not just that, they are experimenting what toys float and what toys sink in the water! "Are you kidding me!" and I stomp down the stairs. They must have finally gotten the hint, and away we went to Grandma's house.
On the way out of town, we turn behind my cousin's husband. Danny, "he's going to know what we are doing." On a side note, he was the first one to know about this pregnancy waaayyyy before anyone else in my family. He kept it a secret the entire time, bless his heart, but has been raked over the coals ever since by all of the female family members :). We try to act not obvious (we didn't want everyone to get their hopes up over a false alarm), but he waits for us at a stop sign. With a grin, "where are you guys going?" We finally confess, and he wishes us luck.
Once we get to Peoria, we park in the ED lot. We get wheeled up to labor and delivery and am attached to the monitor. After a little while, my contractions slow down- geez here we go again. (on a side note I was going to be induced the next day, so I was secretly hoping they would just keep me). I was also not even admitted yet and was laying in the triage room that has no tv- so Danny was bored. The same rules applied for him like Ava's birth. No talking, no laughing, no eating, no touching. Hey, I like to suffer by myself. By this time I have to go to the bathroom and when I come back I am having horrible back pain and a lot of pressure. I ring for my nurse to check me and tell Danny to go ahead and get our bags out of the car-mainly the camera. So Danny leaves, and the nurse checks me. I've dilated from a 2 to a 4 in a matter of ten minutes. Nurse, "ok, so it looks like you will be having a baby today." The baby must have heard this and decided to speed up the process. By the time they call my midwife, get my midwife, and wheel me to my room, I've dilated to a 7. My midwife comes into my room to check me, I'm a 9. WAIT! I don't have my epidural or my husband. Come to find out Danny got lost, and called my mom in a panic. Did he really think she could help him an hour away? Also note, that he didn't even know I was admitted yet, so nobody was told to start heading to the hospital. Ok, back to me, the midwife asks if she can break my water and I would probably have the baby in no time. Me, "no, I can wait for my epidural". (hehe, i'm more concerned about my epidural being there over my husband- hey natural child birth hurts like h%$&!!!!!!) Finally Danny makes it back to find the midwife going ahead and breaking my water. As soon as she breaks my water the contractions are TERRIBLE!!! It hurt, and (embarrassingly) I made sure everyone knew it. I remember hearing the midwife yelling at the nurse to get her gown, gloves, and some other things. I guess they weren't expecting her to come that fast. Well, the midwife managed to get her gloves on before I gave a push and out she came. It was amazing!!!! Here she was, this perfect little thing on my chest that I had worked so hard to keep. I was also so proud of myself for doing it without any pain medication (not that I ever, ever, ever want to do it that way again). I was worried because she wasn't crying at all, just looking around. The nurse kept telling me she was fine because she was nice and pink. I was a little confused that I got to hold her so long since Ava had to be taken away first before I got to see her. It turns out I was holding her so long because NOTHING was ready. Me, "what time was she born?" Nurse, "12:09". Me, "what? we only got here after 10:00!" I guess when she was ready to come, she was ready.
In the mean time, my mom decided to head on out since she hadn't heard anything. Danny called her once she was born and my mom was still half an hour away. She said he sounded panicked. I bet he was because he went from me just in triage to coming into the room only a couple of minutes before the baby was born. And my cousin's husband to his wife, "have you heard anything from Bethany?" My cousin, "what are you talking about?" Him, "well, I saw them driving to peoria." So needless to say he got in trouble again for not spreading the gossip.
After the great name debate, I just kind of knew that she was an Emi. She was perfect! I couldn't wait to call Ava and tell her the news. She was the first person to know her name. She was so proud and so excited. Ava to everyone, "my baby finally came out!" The next day she got to see her little sister. She was so proud and is still telling everyone, even strangers in stores, all about her little sister.
We are so blessed to have three little girls, two angels here with me and one angel waiting for me when the time is right.

Introducing Emi Alice

Emi Alice McGraw arrived very quickly Sunday July 17th, 2011, weighing 6lbs 4oz and 19 inches long.


Sorry for the delay, I've been a bit sleep deprived the past couple of weeks. More pictures and a birth story to come soon.... hopefully :)

Baby update

Last Friday I got my cerclage out. After that I had to be monitored for an hour. The doctor didn't like some of the decels. she was having, so off we went for another sono. At the sono, BGM was breathing very shallow, had a very low heart rate, and took 20minutes to move. So off I went to be admitted to labor and delivery. Wouldn't you know that she looked fine at the sono there. Oh, my girls will be the death of me someday.
Today I had another appointment. My doc decided that if our little girl has not made her grand entrance by the 18th, we will be inducing. It seems like such a long way away, but it's only a week and a half from now!!! Wow, I can't believe it. I have been feeling really guilty lately. I know this is going to sound crazy, but I feel bad that Ava's life will never be the same again. She only has a week and a half left of being the only one getting attention. After that, she will have to share, and I just feel so bad for her. I hope other parents feel the same way. I am going to make a point to have just mom and Ava days. I just hope I don't traumatize her from all of this. I know everyone is laughing at me right now because siblings are the norm, but I just feel awful.

Ava's Painting Party

This year's bday theme was painting, since it is one of Ava's true loves :)
Odd angle, but the fruit tray includes all the colors of the rainbow. The rest of the menu included: fair sized hot dogs (they were huge!), different colored ketchup and mustard with paint brushes to paint onto the hotdogs, a salad (that also had every color of the rainbow), chips and dip (again, had a chip for every color), potato salad (my grandma,"you can't have a party without potato salad"), and my Aunt Kay's baked beans (she knows that baked beans is one of the things I've been craving with this pregnancy- along with corn on the cob :) )

I just have to point out the shirt. I found this on a clearance rack last year and saved it for this year's party. Yes, I know the themes way in advanced. Hey, that's how you get the best deals, and yes I already have something in mind for next year but not set in stone yet.

I made all of the cupcakes (along with Ava's help). Since Ava's favorite color is red, she got one cupcake heaped with frosting for each year :) I then set up a "decoration station" for everyone to decorate their own cupcakes. The "paint can" was filled with all different kinds of sprinkles. The "paint cans" were made from the giant economy sized canned goods that schools use (I have my connections :) ). They held all of the silverware, sprinkles, napkins, and wet wipes.

Not to brag, but didn't they turn out awesome!?

This is when the rain started to pour. I was hoping it would miss us, but no luck. Thankfully, my grandma has huge trees in her yard, so everyone stayed dry (until the end). One of the kid's activities was a squirt gun fight. Not just any squirt gun fight, though. Each kid (and some adults) put on a white tshirt and chased after each other with their squirters that were filled with....paint! A little background story, we decided to test this out a couple of weeks before hand to make sure it would work. Well, the paint looked great on the shirts but didn't look so great stained on Ava's skin for a week. The worst was her blue splattered face that she sported for the week. So, more testing had to be done, and I'm happy to say all of the children washed clean in the rain :). The shirts turned out really cool too. The kids ran around painting each other for a couple of hours.

Another activity, that I didn't get because of the rain and me rushing to get everything in, was finger painting. I covered a buffet table with paper. Did you know that you can get the end rolls of the newspaper from the newspaper company for free or really cheap? Who knew? The day before I made finger paints of every color. We spooned them all out into bowls and let the kids have at it. Our youngest guests, 10 months, particularly enjoyed this.

All in all, this was a great party. I'm just bummed that it got rained out. Our parties usually last around six hours. What can I say, our family knows how to have fun. We promised all of the kids that we would have a "do over day" on a nice day to do squirt guns, finger paint, and swimming. Well, better start planning for next year's party :)

Ava Finnli is 4!

Well, I can't believe I have a 4 year old! She is truly the light of my life. Over the past months, I've noticed she is turning into a little person. The things she says and understands is unbelievable. Here is a little interview with my amazing 4 year old.

What's your favorite color: red and pink
What's your favorite food: pizza and broccoli
What's your favorite movie: Rapunzel
What's your favorite thing to do: play outside
Who's your best friend: (Aunt) Laney
What do you want to be when you grow up: a sunshine fairy

I lost her interest after that. She's still a busy bee and is always on the go. Enjoy the pics!

35 weeks baby!

I never would have imagined I would have lasted to this point. I get my cerclage removed this Friday. Most of my family think I'll go right into labor on Friday. I think I'll have to be induced because I'll be overdue. It will be just my luck that I've worked so hard to keep BGM in, she won't want to come out. I have been having a lot of contractions the past couple of days and horrible back pain, so we will see. We have everything ready, but still no name.
As for Ava, she has been busy having her birthday and going on vacation with Grandma. I will update about that later, so I can give the post its proper attention :)

Getting There

Well, I'm 31 weeks. Can I get a hallelujah!!!! I'm pretty impressed with myself considering my perinatologist thought I would be lucky to get to 28 weeks. I'll be getting my stitch out at 36 weeks. I'm hoping to go right into labor, but my luck I'll be close to 42 weeks :). I feel like I have gotten twice the size of my normal self overnight. The other night, Danny took Ava and I out to our favorite mexican restaurant. I literally tried on all of my maternity pants and nothing fit. I'm serious, everything was tight and uncomfortable. Call it hormones, body image issues, or just having a pity party over my huge self, but I had a break down. I know that you are supposed to get big when you are pregnant, but I never really did with Ava, and I feel like I will never get back to my normal size.
Well besides my mental breakdown, everything has been going pretty good. I've been trying to plan Ava's next birthday party and get the baby's room ready before I get my stitch out-just in case. Maybe I should put it off, and then maybe I'll go into labor right away. What do ya think?

Easter and Pregnancy Update

Our whole family always makes plans to get together at least once a month. This month of course was Easter. Each of the kids got a bag (their favorite color) and a designated Easter egg color that they had to find. The kids had a blast!

On Easter, all healthy eating goes out the window. Breakfast of champions, cotton candy!

Ava has been real into Mario lately. I have no idea how or why. She got a Wii Mario game that her and her dad played for three hours that day (yeah, eating and screen time rules go out the window on holidays). She also got a Mario shirt that I had to watch everyday so she could wear it for a week straight (hey, at least it was clean).

Now for pregnancy updates. I failed my glucose test by one point!!! My perinatologist came into the room laughing. She broke the news to me and told me that I have had one of the most unlucky pregnancies. Gee thanks. BGM (baby girl Mcgraw) also has slightly dilated kidneys. The dr. didn't seem too worried, but we will keep a close eye on things. When she was checking my cervical length (sorry TMI),she asked if I have been feeling pressure. Are you kidding me? I feel like I have to walk with my legs crossed and the pressure, that once was just uncomfortable, now just plain hurts. She turned the screen to show me why I was feeling this. TMI again, BGM's head is literally pushing so hard against my stitch that my uterus is getting pushed down. She said there really isn't anything they can do, and that my stitch looks great and is obviously doing its job. She said if I didn't have it in, BGM would already be here. If the pressure continues/gets worse my stitch may have to be taken out early to prevent any tearing. I guess only time will tell. Keep the good thoughts and prayers coming.

still going

Thought I'd give a little update. I am now almost 27 weeks, woot woot! BGM (baby girl mcgraw) is a very active little thing just like her big sis. I don't know if I can handle two little spitfires that are full of energy though. The excitement of a new baby has been in full swing with my family and coworkers for a while now, and it has been quite contagious to me. We have started to clean out the "toy room" to make room for the "baby room". The great name debate still remains, and my belly is constantly growing. I was never very big with Ava (I'm actually bigger now than when I delivered Ava) so this big belly thing is an all new experience for me. Putting shoes and socks on has become quite the sight :). I get to go to the doctor every two weeks, so time is moving a little closer. I am also sooooo thankful for my friends at work. They are always checking on me, sending encouraging words, and just being plain positive. You definitely find out who your true friends are when the going gets tough.
Now to Easter. We had a fabulous and busy Easter weekend. I will post pics as soon as I find the chord (I always seem to lose).

update

Well, not much going on here. I haven't had anymore contractions, just lots of pressure. I still can't work, wich really stinks. I had no idea how much I would miss work and "thinking". I have started to do some monitor teching- which i just sit in a chair with my feet up and watch monitors. It is totally boring, but it's keeping the baby inside and providing a little money. My coworkers are soooo great! They come to get me in a wheelchair, wheel me to the bathroom, and wheel me back to my car at the end of my shift. Have I mentioned how great my coworkers/friends are?! I'm starting to let it sink in that we may just get to have a baby at the end of all of this. I'm starting to stress about normal pregnancy things. When should I start getting the baby room ready? I don't want to set it up and then not have a baby to put into it. When should we tell Ava? The sweet thing still hasn't noticed my belly, just my bruises from my lovenox shots. And don't even get me started on the great name debate. If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to leave a comment. I like old fashioned names, but can't be too long for early learning spelling purposes :). And Danny, well, he doesn't like anything.

Confessions

Oh me, oh my!!! My life has been crazy lately. Since my cerclage in January, I had to be on bedrest for a month. Then I got to try a couple of 8 hour shifts, then a couple of 12 hour shifts. We were starting to struggle because all of my time off was used when we lost Gracie because my doctor didn't feel I was emotionally ready to go back to work especially where I work. I felt pretty good doing my 12 hour shifts. I would just get a little crampy towards the end of the day. So I thought that with more bills coming in that we could pay, I would just do a couple of 8 hour shifts on top of my 12 :). My work has been so awesome with working around my schedule and giving me good assignments (ones I'm hopefully not running my butt off), so I wasn't that worried about doing extra. And, first confession, I didn't tell my doctors (they didn't have to pay my bills) or my family (I could just hear them now). Well, after my second extra 8 hour shift, I was pretty crampy when I got home. No big deal, I would just take it easy like I usually do. Then I started bleeding (bring in bad memories of Gracie's pregnancy), having pressure, and contractions. Nothing scared me more than the contractions. Poor Danny was such a trooper. I made him run downstairs and make me something to eat because I knew I wouldn't be able to eat anything for a while (hey, i get crabby when i'm hungry and nobody wants to be around that) and, confession #2- I made him paint my toenails :). Luckily I shave my legs often with all of my appointments that I have to go to, but my poor toes had been neglected. And from past experiences in labor and delivery, you don't get to wear ANYTHING- not even socks, and I was not going to be that ball baby mess with ugly toes. I was at least going to have nice toes while I was crying, damn it :). Danny did a pretty good job, even though his exact words were, "this doesn't get told to ANYONE". So i'm hoping everyone is good at keeping secrets!
Once we got there, I was told to go straight to L&D by my doc, so that's where we went. The little college girl at the front desk asked my due date (I was 19 weeks and 6 days), she said, "i'm sorry but we only accept 20 wkers up here, so you will have to walk down to the ER." Are you kidding me- one f***ing day (pardon the language)! I saw Danny out of the corner of my eye take a step back, I don't know if he was preparing himself for what I would say or getting ready to make the long trech back to the ED. I very assertively (as I like to put it) told the little girl that she would have to call my doctor (I had her cell phone number in my hand) and inform her of the news, until then, I wasn't moving. So we were whisked away to a L&D room :).
My doctor came in in her yoga pants to check me out. I can't say enough how fantastic my doctor is! "I wasn't about to let anyone else see you, but me." When she checked me, I wasn't dilated, but she could feel the baby right there. "If your water happens to break from the pressure, there's not much we can do." Wow, this was serious.
So off to antepartum we went. Everyone was so wonderful over there. I got put into a private room since that mom just had her baby. I later learned that that mom was admitted at 20 wks with her cerclage and just delivered at 37 wks. Oh, that could be me, and I couldn't imagine being stuck in that small room for 17 weeks. God was with us because my contractions stopped after being put on two different medications. We got to go home Monday night! I felt so bad for Ava because she still doesn't know we are pregnant. I'm so afraid once we tell her, we will loose the baby.
Confession #3- rewind before the weekend. I had been praying big time that God would provide us a way to pay our bills (getting late notices from the bank is not so good). I thought that maybe that was His way of getting our bills taken care of. If I didn't have a baby to be on bedrest for, I would be at work, and be make my regular paycheck. Crazy thinking, I know, but I couldn't get it out of my head. Honestly, the thought is still there. Was that His way to solve our financial struggles?
Things have been going pretty well. I had to be on strict bedrest for the remainder of the week and follow up with an appointment today. I was eager to get the ok to head back to work ( I was planning to see if work could use me tomorrow :) ). I didn't get that ok, I got another month of bedrest. ANOTHER MONTH!? My faith has really been tested today. Thoughts are racing through my head- would this all be for nothing? should I lie and go back to work? Would we have a house to live in or would it get taken away? would our marriage survive this other blow? I guess only time will tell. I keep reminding myself of something my coworker just said last week, "He gives you just what you need. You may not like what you get, but He always gives you enough." I need to have faith and trust. "We will get through this, one way or another, we will get through this." Oh Lord I love my husband. Sorry this post has been so long, but I needed to get everything off of my chest. Please keep the prayers coming, I can feel them.

almost half way

I am 18 weeks. Yay! It's going by sooo fast, but yet so slow at the same time. Just thinking how much time I still have to go through, all of the time I still have for things to go wrong, is a little daunting. I'm still hoping for the best, and preparing for the worst. I am back to work, at least part time. I'm hoping to get back to full time because, honestly, money is getting tight around here. Oh well, I just keep thinking that we will get through this somehow and things could be sooo much worse. Keep the prayers coming, I feel everyone's support.

Hoping I'm not jinxing myself

Drum roll please...... It's a girl!!!! We officially found out a couple of weeks ago, even though I've had a feeling all along. I had a feeling with Ava, Gracie, and this little one. When I told Danny, he was speechless. He wasn't disappointed, I think a little overwhelmed. He will be even more outnumbered by women in the house. We haven't even brought up one single name yet. Ava was the only name (not exaggerating) that we agreed on. With Gracie, it was a struggle, and we finally compromised on the name in the hospital. He picked out the first name and I got the middle. I have some names in mind for this one, but I already know they will be "vetoed" right away :).
I have already picked out fabric for the crib bedding and curtains. I hope I'm not jumping the gun. I never bought anything for Gracie, so I'm worried bad things will happen. I hope not. I'm already so in love with this little girl, but we still have a LONG way to go.

Wow, lots to catch up on

I have been a total slacker lately. To be honest, I've had other things on my mind and have been down right lazy. Our Christmas was great and our family Christmas party was a lot of fun. The highlight of the show was the talent show. Every year all of the kids do there "talent". Ava's as playing her harmonica. The girl can rock her harmonica (of course it has to be red, because that's her favorite color). She sat up big and tall on a stool with no shoes on, playing her harmonica. She looked like a little hill-billy up there. Her act didn't end there, she had to "accompany" all of the other kids during their songs. I'll have to upload some pics as soon as I can find my chord in my mess of a house.
Other big news (that many already know about), we're pregnant :). I have to admit, I've been trying to not get very excited just in case I get heart broken again, but it's hard to not look forward to possibly having a new baby in the house. I had to tell my friends at work pretty early on because we had some buggy kids. I can't tell you how much amazing support I have at work. The people I work with are truly amazing. We only told my mom a couple of days before my cerclage because Ava had to spend the night.
That's right, I have already had my cerclage. Not the most pleasant experience, but it had to be done. TMI warning; when I finally got to the OR room and the doctor started doing her thing, she said,"we did this right in time." A normal cervix should be around 4cm, mine was only 0.25cm. No wonder I felt like the baby was going to fall out the past couple of days before my cerclage. I had some bleeding and cramping post op, but I still got to go home that night. I was hoping to only be off of work for a week since I don't have very much sick time left. But of course nothing can go as planned. I started to have a lot of pressure and cramping. So hopefully a month of bedrest will do the trick. I so hope I get to go back to work after my month is over. It's sad, but i look forward to my weekly appointments, just so I can get out of the house.
All of this is absolutely worth it, and I would do it again if I had to (the shots of blood thinner, cerclage, bedrest, and lots of prayers). I'm getting a little nervous though because I'm approaching the same gestation as I was with Gracie when she went to Heaven. I have to keep reminding myself that I have no control over this and have to have trust and faith.