We'll see

Well today is Danny's first day back to work. I was dreading it the whole day yesterday. I asked Danny how he felt about it, and he just said he was bummed about going back to work. He was quiet most of the day yesterday, and if you know him at all that is so not like him. I just hope he doesn't try to be strong for me and keep everything bottled up.
Last night was a little rough for both of us. We both kept waking up during the night. It's hard to believe that it has already been a week since we lost Gracie. I woke up last night right before the time I had her last week. It's already been a week since I rode in the ambulance with my baby girl in my arms. Time goes by so fast but so slow at the same time.
We brought Gracie's ashes home this weekend. I was surprised how much better it made me feel. I know that her little body was "empty" because her beautiful soul is in Heaven, but it really bothered me knowing her body was by herself with no one who loved her.
We are trying to get back into the swing of things. Yesterday we colored Easter eggs. Ava loved it! I got some pictures, so I'll try to post them soon. This has definitely opened our eyes to the "little" moments that are so huge and important to both Danny and I.
Speaking of Easter, I am dreading it. We usually do a lot with our families. I am the type of person that I'm fine until someone brings our loss up and I'm a bawl baby mess after that. I have been trying to keep my distance from everyone lately. Don't get me wrong, all of the messages, cards, emails, and flowers have helped so much. I just can't seem to face anyone. I can tell people want to say things, but don't quite know what to say. I totally understand, but I would just rather stay at home. It's weird but I find it harder to be around the family members that I'm closer to rather than people I occasionally see. I think it is because they are all hurting right along with me, and I don't want them to hurt. Again, it's just going to be day by day.
Several people have asked how Ava is doing. Luckily, the only time she heard about her baby sister was during conversation with family. We didn't' think she would understand until right before Gracie was born, so we really didn't talk to her about being a big sister. She slept through everything that night thank goodness! What was really hard was I had ordered a Katy Duck big sister book to put in her Easter basket. The day I got released from the hospital, there it was in our mailbox. That was really hard, but I'm just going to save it because Ava will be a big sister again sometime.