Not liking this one bit! Warning, very negative post.

For the past couple of days, I have just been plain mad!!! I don't like to be a mean spirited, negative person, but that's all that I've been lately. I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. At who? I don't know: God, the doctors, me, other people who take their blessings for granted? I'm mad, but I can't pinpoint about what or at whom.
I'm mad at me. We weren't planning this second pregnancy like we tried so hard for Ava. Why didn't I celebrate like the first pregnancy. I was a ball of stress worrying about Ava, selling our house, and how my work schedule would affect my new family. Why did I worry about all of these little things, and not truly enjoy every moment I had with a sweet miracle inside of me. Or was it my fault? Did I stand too long in the shower? Was I not proactive enough to save my own child? Why didn't I speak up?
I'm mad at the doctors. Not really mad at my doctors. They always made room for me right away whenever I had more bleeding and cramping than usual. They calmed my fears and cried with me. I'm more mad at the unprofessional attitudes some doctors have. I don't know if it just a small town doctor or just lack of good bedside manner. I just wanted to scream, "Lady, I just went through labor and gave birth to my daughter at home. She may have came early, but she still was a baby. She had fingernails, eyelashes, and a little peach fuzz for hair. Is a smile, hug, or squeeze of a hand too much to ask for? Ask me about my pain both physically and emotionally. Don't tell me I can try again and at least this wasn't my first pregnancy. I don't want different baby. I want MY baby! And even though I have a beautiful little one at home, doesn't mean it makes it any better."
I hate to say it, but I'm mad at God too. Why did He do this to us? I've always believed in God, but working at my job has definitely opened my eyes to things. From all of the losses that I have seen first hand, I became very aware of God's presence. Then how could He give me one more, huge burden to bare? There are people in this world that do truly evil things, and they have many, many babies. There are women who drink and do drugs while pregnant and still He gives them these beautiful gifts. I watched what I ate, drank plenty of water, got lots of rest, and didn't drink any caffeine trying to give my girl the best start that I could. Why does such unfair things happen to good people and the ungrateful are blessed?
That leads me into the ungrateful. How can people be so selfish? They take for granted of their pregnancies. They don't take care of themselves, harm their babies, or even worse, terminate a perfect life. How can they do that when I would give anything to be in their place?
Sorry for the rant, but I am just so mad! I hate being so negative, but their are somethings that just aren't fare. I hate this so much right now, I don't know what to do.