Bitter Sweet

I have had a hard time sleeping lately. After Danny goes to bed, I just lay there and think. Once I do get to sleep, I have the most vivid dreams. I dream of Gracie. Last night I dreamt that they made a mistake, and Gracie was fine. She was perfect, and we could take her home. I held her in my arms, nursed her, and watched her with her big sister. Then I wake up and have to remind myself what happened. Does she see how hard this is for me and is trying to comfort me? To tell me that she is ok and is being loved on by Jesus and all of our family and friends that are with her? I feel so great in the dreams and then everything comes crashing down when I wake up.
Ok, need to be positive. I guess in my dreams is my chance to be a mother to Gracie, to feel her, touch her, kiss her, and for her to just be mine. When I was pregnant, I was always worried about Ava the most. I was worried that she would suffer by not getting the same attention, love, and time. I don't have to worry about that anymore. I have Ava all to myself during the day and my angel with me in my dreams.