These past couple of weeks have been really hard for me lately. I don't know why, but all I keep thinking about is what should be. I should be rocking a baby and watching my two girls together. My heart is literally aching. I try to be happy for others, but it has been really hard lately. A lot of people are pregnant around me, and honestly I am so stinkin' jealous. I want to be pregnant with a healthy baby. I feel like I was so cheated. Yes, I have my moments, but I think I'm a great mother. It's not fair to love someone so much and to have them taken from you so early. I know that it happened for a reason, and God has a reason for all of this, but I feel so empty sometimes. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like a part of me is missing. Sorry to be so negative, but I can only put on a happy face for so long.
The other day my mom and I were eating at a Chinese place. When I opened my cookie I got, "you have to go through the rain to get to the rainbow." I'm definitely going through the rain. I pray that I see the first glimmers of my rainbow soon.
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About Me
- Bethany
- I am a busy working mom and wife. At work, I spend my day caring for critically ill children. I am a mother of three. My first daughter, Ava, is one of God's greatest gifts to me. My second daughter, Gracie, was born sleeping at 16 weeks. I think about her everyday, and will see her again someday. Our third daughter, Emi, is our little miracle who had to beet the odds. I just stare at her in amazement everyday. At home, I spend my day chasing after my forever energized toddler and trying to keep our house "somewhat" in order.
hi I saw your comment on my blog and I felt compelled to write back. I am so sorry for what happened to you, it completely sucks, right? I know how you're feeling now, too, seeing the preggers all around you -- I seem notice it even more now... hang in there, and hopefully we can chat soon! sarah (sfransene@yahoo.com)
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