still going

Thought I'd give a little update. I am now almost 27 weeks, woot woot! BGM (baby girl mcgraw) is a very active little thing just like her big sis. I don't know if I can handle two little spitfires that are full of energy though. The excitement of a new baby has been in full swing with my family and coworkers for a while now, and it has been quite contagious to me. We have started to clean out the "toy room" to make room for the "baby room". The great name debate still remains, and my belly is constantly growing. I was never very big with Ava (I'm actually bigger now than when I delivered Ava) so this big belly thing is an all new experience for me. Putting shoes and socks on has become quite the sight :). I get to go to the doctor every two weeks, so time is moving a little closer. I am also sooooo thankful for my friends at work. They are always checking on me, sending encouraging words, and just being plain positive. You definitely find out who your true friends are when the going gets tough.
Now to Easter. We had a fabulous and busy Easter weekend. I will post pics as soon as I find the chord (I always seem to lose).

update

Well, not much going on here. I haven't had anymore contractions, just lots of pressure. I still can't work, wich really stinks. I had no idea how much I would miss work and "thinking". I have started to do some monitor teching- which i just sit in a chair with my feet up and watch monitors. It is totally boring, but it's keeping the baby inside and providing a little money. My coworkers are soooo great! They come to get me in a wheelchair, wheel me to the bathroom, and wheel me back to my car at the end of my shift. Have I mentioned how great my coworkers/friends are?! I'm starting to let it sink in that we may just get to have a baby at the end of all of this. I'm starting to stress about normal pregnancy things. When should I start getting the baby room ready? I don't want to set it up and then not have a baby to put into it. When should we tell Ava? The sweet thing still hasn't noticed my belly, just my bruises from my lovenox shots. And don't even get me started on the great name debate. If anyone has any suggestions, feel free to leave a comment. I like old fashioned names, but can't be too long for early learning spelling purposes :). And Danny, well, he doesn't like anything.

Confessions

Oh me, oh my!!! My life has been crazy lately. Since my cerclage in January, I had to be on bedrest for a month. Then I got to try a couple of 8 hour shifts, then a couple of 12 hour shifts. We were starting to struggle because all of my time off was used when we lost Gracie because my doctor didn't feel I was emotionally ready to go back to work especially where I work. I felt pretty good doing my 12 hour shifts. I would just get a little crampy towards the end of the day. So I thought that with more bills coming in that we could pay, I would just do a couple of 8 hour shifts on top of my 12 :). My work has been so awesome with working around my schedule and giving me good assignments (ones I'm hopefully not running my butt off), so I wasn't that worried about doing extra. And, first confession, I didn't tell my doctors (they didn't have to pay my bills) or my family (I could just hear them now). Well, after my second extra 8 hour shift, I was pretty crampy when I got home. No big deal, I would just take it easy like I usually do. Then I started bleeding (bring in bad memories of Gracie's pregnancy), having pressure, and contractions. Nothing scared me more than the contractions. Poor Danny was such a trooper. I made him run downstairs and make me something to eat because I knew I wouldn't be able to eat anything for a while (hey, i get crabby when i'm hungry and nobody wants to be around that) and, confession #2- I made him paint my toenails :). Luckily I shave my legs often with all of my appointments that I have to go to, but my poor toes had been neglected. And from past experiences in labor and delivery, you don't get to wear ANYTHING- not even socks, and I was not going to be that ball baby mess with ugly toes. I was at least going to have nice toes while I was crying, damn it :). Danny did a pretty good job, even though his exact words were, "this doesn't get told to ANYONE". So i'm hoping everyone is good at keeping secrets!
Once we got there, I was told to go straight to L&D by my doc, so that's where we went. The little college girl at the front desk asked my due date (I was 19 weeks and 6 days), she said, "i'm sorry but we only accept 20 wkers up here, so you will have to walk down to the ER." Are you kidding me- one f***ing day (pardon the language)! I saw Danny out of the corner of my eye take a step back, I don't know if he was preparing himself for what I would say or getting ready to make the long trech back to the ED. I very assertively (as I like to put it) told the little girl that she would have to call my doctor (I had her cell phone number in my hand) and inform her of the news, until then, I wasn't moving. So we were whisked away to a L&D room :).
My doctor came in in her yoga pants to check me out. I can't say enough how fantastic my doctor is! "I wasn't about to let anyone else see you, but me." When she checked me, I wasn't dilated, but she could feel the baby right there. "If your water happens to break from the pressure, there's not much we can do." Wow, this was serious.
So off to antepartum we went. Everyone was so wonderful over there. I got put into a private room since that mom just had her baby. I later learned that that mom was admitted at 20 wks with her cerclage and just delivered at 37 wks. Oh, that could be me, and I couldn't imagine being stuck in that small room for 17 weeks. God was with us because my contractions stopped after being put on two different medications. We got to go home Monday night! I felt so bad for Ava because she still doesn't know we are pregnant. I'm so afraid once we tell her, we will loose the baby.
Confession #3- rewind before the weekend. I had been praying big time that God would provide us a way to pay our bills (getting late notices from the bank is not so good). I thought that maybe that was His way of getting our bills taken care of. If I didn't have a baby to be on bedrest for, I would be at work, and be make my regular paycheck. Crazy thinking, I know, but I couldn't get it out of my head. Honestly, the thought is still there. Was that His way to solve our financial struggles?
Things have been going pretty well. I had to be on strict bedrest for the remainder of the week and follow up with an appointment today. I was eager to get the ok to head back to work ( I was planning to see if work could use me tomorrow :) ). I didn't get that ok, I got another month of bedrest. ANOTHER MONTH!? My faith has really been tested today. Thoughts are racing through my head- would this all be for nothing? should I lie and go back to work? Would we have a house to live in or would it get taken away? would our marriage survive this other blow? I guess only time will tell. I keep reminding myself of something my coworker just said last week, "He gives you just what you need. You may not like what you get, but He always gives you enough." I need to have faith and trust. "We will get through this, one way or another, we will get through this." Oh Lord I love my husband. Sorry this post has been so long, but I needed to get everything off of my chest. Please keep the prayers coming, I can feel them.

almost half way

I am 18 weeks. Yay! It's going by sooo fast, but yet so slow at the same time. Just thinking how much time I still have to go through, all of the time I still have for things to go wrong, is a little daunting. I'm still hoping for the best, and preparing for the worst. I am back to work, at least part time. I'm hoping to get back to full time because, honestly, money is getting tight around here. Oh well, I just keep thinking that we will get through this somehow and things could be sooo much worse. Keep the prayers coming, I feel everyone's support.

Hoping I'm not jinxing myself

Drum roll please...... It's a girl!!!! We officially found out a couple of weeks ago, even though I've had a feeling all along. I had a feeling with Ava, Gracie, and this little one. When I told Danny, he was speechless. He wasn't disappointed, I think a little overwhelmed. He will be even more outnumbered by women in the house. We haven't even brought up one single name yet. Ava was the only name (not exaggerating) that we agreed on. With Gracie, it was a struggle, and we finally compromised on the name in the hospital. He picked out the first name and I got the middle. I have some names in mind for this one, but I already know they will be "vetoed" right away :).
I have already picked out fabric for the crib bedding and curtains. I hope I'm not jumping the gun. I never bought anything for Gracie, so I'm worried bad things will happen. I hope not. I'm already so in love with this little girl, but we still have a LONG way to go.

Wow, lots to catch up on

I have been a total slacker lately. To be honest, I've had other things on my mind and have been down right lazy. Our Christmas was great and our family Christmas party was a lot of fun. The highlight of the show was the talent show. Every year all of the kids do there "talent". Ava's as playing her harmonica. The girl can rock her harmonica (of course it has to be red, because that's her favorite color). She sat up big and tall on a stool with no shoes on, playing her harmonica. She looked like a little hill-billy up there. Her act didn't end there, she had to "accompany" all of the other kids during their songs. I'll have to upload some pics as soon as I can find my chord in my mess of a house.
Other big news (that many already know about), we're pregnant :). I have to admit, I've been trying to not get very excited just in case I get heart broken again, but it's hard to not look forward to possibly having a new baby in the house. I had to tell my friends at work pretty early on because we had some buggy kids. I can't tell you how much amazing support I have at work. The people I work with are truly amazing. We only told my mom a couple of days before my cerclage because Ava had to spend the night.
That's right, I have already had my cerclage. Not the most pleasant experience, but it had to be done. TMI warning; when I finally got to the OR room and the doctor started doing her thing, she said,"we did this right in time." A normal cervix should be around 4cm, mine was only 0.25cm. No wonder I felt like the baby was going to fall out the past couple of days before my cerclage. I had some bleeding and cramping post op, but I still got to go home that night. I was hoping to only be off of work for a week since I don't have very much sick time left. But of course nothing can go as planned. I started to have a lot of pressure and cramping. So hopefully a month of bedrest will do the trick. I so hope I get to go back to work after my month is over. It's sad, but i look forward to my weekly appointments, just so I can get out of the house.
All of this is absolutely worth it, and I would do it again if I had to (the shots of blood thinner, cerclage, bedrest, and lots of prayers). I'm getting a little nervous though because I'm approaching the same gestation as I was with Gracie when she went to Heaven. I have to keep reminding myself that I have no control over this and have to have trust and faith.

christmas to come

I'm still in the process of trying to find my floors after the hectic weekend. They are covered in toys, plastic twist ties that keep turning up, and laundry that I'm soooo far behind on. Then, to make the clean up even more of a challenge, Ava woke up VERY early with a fever. So today was filled with cuddling my fireball girl and coming up with creative ways to get her to drink. Then to top it off, the pukes started this evening. Oh, the lovely pleasures of being a mom. Oh well, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Once I get the house into somewhat of an order and wash even more dirty laundry now, I will upload some christmas pictures. I hope everyone had a great holiday!