Some questions for God

As everyone can tell from my previous post, I've been having a hard time lately. But sometimes the joys of being a PICU nurse can make things even harder. I've learned how to justify or find something good from deaths. After losing many baby angels and becoming quit close with a couple of really special families, I can usually find the best out of things. I can sometimes even justify my losses: maybe God wants Danny and I to be closer (which we have since losing Gracie) or maybe he wants me to cherish Ava with every fiber of my being. The one thing that I cannot, CANNOT justify is when we get our abuse kids. Even more now that I have experienced a loss of a baby that we sooooo wanted, it tears me apart that much more that someone could torture a gift from God. I just picture having the baby as my own and think about how extremely happy Danny and I would be to have him/her. Why does God give people the greatest gift when all they do is beat them to death? Why couldn't we have that baby? I just don't understand! We would take any of those babies, but instead they get beaten/shaken. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do and feel like I make a difference, but sometimes it would just be easier to have a "normal" job.